So, the men in my life have been telling me I have a hope problem. And of course, I was like, “Who, me?!” Little Miss “God will work it out.” To make matters worse, I’ve gotten this feedback before—a few years ago, actually. Not sure why they felt the need to read me, but I can appreciate feedback.
Anyway, something about this realization has bothered me. How can I have a hope problem if I’m confident that God has a plan for my life?
In full transparency, they’re right.
I find myself having low expectations to minimize disappointment. Even worse, when I receive great news, I downplay it and don’t fully experience the joy of the moment. In my head, I think, things can always change.
So, how does one lose hope? I thought hopelessness was found on the other side of poverty, war, famine—you know, drastic experiences like that. Not me. I have so much to be grateful for.
But let me give you a glimpse into the reality of a dancer.
This quarter, I’ve been auditioning. Based on the number of rejection emails I’ve gotten this year alone, I should have quit.
But one recent experience sticks out to me.
I went to an audition where I was number 666 (crazy number, yes). But what’s crazier is that it means there were 665 people before me. And what’s craziest is that there was a line outside after me. So imagine knowing that 1,000+ people are auditioning for a maximum of 50–100 spots. How do you mentally prepare yourself for the potential disappointment?
The reality of disappointment. More people won’t get the job than will. Now imagine that reality for every audition you do. (For my non-dancers, auditions are basically group interviews.)
I’ve created my own system for mentally maneuvering through auditions. But in life, I’ve built this shield over my heart to protect myself from potential disappointment—in love, friendship, finances, and even in the things I pray for. I just didn’t realize that the materials I was using as a shield were actually bricks of despair that I had labeled self-preservation.
I’ve learned that hope is joy for the future, and faith is believing God will do it.
And I believe that to live a full life, you need both.
I’m stepping into a new season. I’ve closed one chapter, and I’m starting a new job. As a freelance artist, I’m learning to submit myself with expectation.
For this next half of the year, I’ve decided that affirmations, high expectations, and excitement for the future are not a recipe for pain. They are an intentional choice to align my mind with my desires. I wish it were as easy for our emotions to align with what we know. That’s where the work begins.
Next quarter, I’ll check in and let you know how it’s going.
In the meantime, I invite you to check your own hope and faith scale.
With Love,
LA
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalms 37:3-4 NIV
La-Chelle M Dickenson 